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Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Showing posts with label economy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label economy. Show all posts
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Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Obama Promises “New Speech” on Jobs in September, Instead of “New Deal” Now!
Washington, D.C. –President Obama announced today that he is busy working on a new speech about jobs, which he will deliver to the nation this September. “Don’t despair America,” said Obama in a radio address concerning his new speech. “Help is on the way.”
According to a spokesman for the White House, Obama has called together the best speechwriters in the country.
“He is essentially assembling the greatest brain trust of orators this nation has ever heard,” read a statement released by the White House.
The president has even purchased a new rhyming dictionary.
“In fact, he’s gently breaking-in the spine now,” said a presidential aide.
Obama bought the new rhyming dictionary during his “Listing Tour” convoy through the Midwest.
“He insisted that the bus driver pullover to the side of the road when he saw a ‘Going Out of Business’ sign hanging in the window of a Borders bookstore,” continued the aide.
Obama even had the official White House photographer take his picture, documenting the historical purchase.
Standing in front of the ‘Going Out of Business’ sign with the new rhyming dictionary in hand, Obama posed stoically for the black and white Ansel Adams style photograph.
“I want you to take my picture in front of the ‘Going Out of Business – Everything 50% Off!’ sign,” said Obama, talking to the White House photographer. “I want you to capture my commitment to reduce the national debt by saving the tax payer money whenever I can.”
The White House photographer adjusted the leans of his camera and took the picture.
“Did you get it,” asked Obama of the White House photographer.
“Yeah, I got it,” replied the photographer. Then whispering beneath his breath to himself, he added. “But do you?”
Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
Photo Courtesy of:
wpclipart.com
President Barack Obama’s ‘Shovel-Ready’ Economy Finally Getting Busy…Digging ‘U.S.’ Out from His Bull --
Washington, D.C. --
The White House confirmed that Obama’s stimulus package is working, citing a round the clock team of ‘shove-ready’ men the president has on standby 24 hours, 7 days a week to clean up after him whenever he makes one of his emotionally charged purple prose political do nothing speeches.
“There’s so much of it in just one of his speeches,” said a member of the ‘shovel-ready’ cleanup crew. “I have to wear hip boots just to wade through it so I can get close enough to clean it up.”
In fact, White House staff members have begun wearing hip boots as well.
“The president often paces up and down the hallways of the White House while practicing his speeches,” explains a White House staff member. “So he tends to leave a trail of his bull [BLEEP] behind him. We try not to step in it, but sometimes it’s unavoidable so the hip boots really help.”
So popular are the hip boots at the White House that they have become a fashion tread of sorts among the staff.
“Oh yeah,” confirmed another White House staff member. “Hip boots are quite trendy in the Obama White House. But really they’re a common sense combination of function and form.”
Reportedly, Obama even has several pairs on hand for visiting foreign dignitaries to wear, so they can feel like they fit right in.
“Of course, we don’t have to worry about visiting members of Congress,” said the White House Press Secretary. “They have their own. Only you could never tell because they wear them under their suits. We don’t, because Obama wants his administration to be transparent.”
“Good thing I didn’t throw mine away from the last administration,” said a member of the press core.
“I had to buy a new pair,” said another reporter. “Because I actually believed his change campaign promise.”
Ironically, all this purchasing of hip boots is helping to grow the economy, stimulating American manufacturing in a self-fulfilling prophecy kind of way.
“If Obama keeps dishing it out at this rate,” said an economist. “He could single-handedly pull the country out of a recession as the nation reaches for their pair of hip boots every time he speaks.”
“At least that’s what I’ll be telling the president this afternoon. So I hope he’s wearing his pair,” said an Obama adviser, pausing a moment while slipping on his own pair of hip boots reading for the first time the manufacturing label attached. “Made in China’. Huh, I wonder what that could mean?”
“Excuse me Mr. President,” said Obama’s personal secretary over the intercom. “The cleaning crew is here.”
“What? Already? I just started practicing my speech,” replied the president.
Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo
The White House confirmed that Obama’s stimulus package is working, citing a round the clock team of ‘shove-ready’ men the president has on standby 24 hours, 7 days a week to clean up after him whenever he makes one of his emotionally charged purple prose political do nothing speeches.
“There’s so much of it in just one of his speeches,” said a member of the ‘shovel-ready’ cleanup crew. “I have to wear hip boots just to wade through it so I can get close enough to clean it up.”
In fact, White House staff members have begun wearing hip boots as well.
“The president often paces up and down the hallways of the White House while practicing his speeches,” explains a White House staff member. “So he tends to leave a trail of his bull [BLEEP] behind him. We try not to step in it, but sometimes it’s unavoidable so the hip boots really help.”
So popular are the hip boots at the White House that they have become a fashion tread of sorts among the staff.
“Oh yeah,” confirmed another White House staff member. “Hip boots are quite trendy in the Obama White House. But really they’re a common sense combination of function and form.”
Reportedly, Obama even has several pairs on hand for visiting foreign dignitaries to wear, so they can feel like they fit right in.
“Of course, we don’t have to worry about visiting members of Congress,” said the White House Press Secretary. “They have their own. Only you could never tell because they wear them under their suits. We don’t, because Obama wants his administration to be transparent.”
“Good thing I didn’t throw mine away from the last administration,” said a member of the press core.
“I had to buy a new pair,” said another reporter. “Because I actually believed his change campaign promise.”
Ironically, all this purchasing of hip boots is helping to grow the economy, stimulating American manufacturing in a self-fulfilling prophecy kind of way.
“If Obama keeps dishing it out at this rate,” said an economist. “He could single-handedly pull the country out of a recession as the nation reaches for their pair of hip boots every time he speaks.”
“At least that’s what I’ll be telling the president this afternoon. So I hope he’s wearing his pair,” said an Obama adviser, pausing a moment while slipping on his own pair of hip boots reading for the first time the manufacturing label attached. “Made in China’. Huh, I wonder what that could mean?”
“Excuse me Mr. President,” said Obama’s personal secretary over the intercom. “The cleaning crew is here.”
“What? Already? I just started practicing my speech,” replied the president.
Copyright © 2008-9 by Robert W. Armijo
Cash Cow WaMu runs out of MOOLAH!
Seattle, Washington
Fearing that Washington Mutual corporate executives wishing to avoid an FBI investigation by escaping their mortal coils, Seattle police had to surround the Space Needle in Seattle, Washington with nets as precautionary measure as news of the JPMorgan Chase takeover of the once largest bank in the history of the United States of America collapsed today.
“We haven’t had any jumpers yet,” said Settle Police Captain Bryan Copper as he stands on a suicide watch. “And with the nets all around the Space Needle, we expect to catch any that do.”
Captain Copper has standing orders to protect the safety of the public, placing his personal feelings on the matter aside.
“If it wasn’t that their falling bodies posing danger to public safety, I would let them jump,” said Captain Copper. “I know its too merciful of a death for the damage that they have caused, but I really can’t afford to pay anymore in taxes for their upkeep in jail if they are ever convicted for the fraud they committed on the public.”
Unfortunately, a number of the nets Captain Copper and his unit are using have holes in them and are not expected to be very effective in breaking the fall of any WaMu executives.
“It’s the sea air,” said Captain Copper. “It has a very corrosive effect on the nets. Just like all those unregulated Wall Street investment banker on the economy. I just hope the one in Washington, D.C. doesn’t have as many holes, or we’ll all slip through.”
Fearing that Washington Mutual corporate executives wishing to avoid an FBI investigation by escaping their mortal coils, Seattle police had to surround the Space Needle in Seattle, Washington with nets as precautionary measure as news of the JPMorgan Chase takeover of the once largest bank in the history of the United States of America collapsed today.
“We haven’t had any jumpers yet,” said Settle Police Captain Bryan Copper as he stands on a suicide watch. “And with the nets all around the Space Needle, we expect to catch any that do.”
Captain Copper has standing orders to protect the safety of the public, placing his personal feelings on the matter aside.
“If it wasn’t that their falling bodies posing danger to public safety, I would let them jump,” said Captain Copper. “I know its too merciful of a death for the damage that they have caused, but I really can’t afford to pay anymore in taxes for their upkeep in jail if they are ever convicted for the fraud they committed on the public.”
Unfortunately, a number of the nets Captain Copper and his unit are using have holes in them and are not expected to be very effective in breaking the fall of any WaMu executives.
“It’s the sea air,” said Captain Copper. “It has a very corrosive effect on the nets. Just like all those unregulated Wall Street investment banker on the economy. I just hope the one in Washington, D.C. doesn’t have as many holes, or we’ll all slip through.”
Copyright 2008 Robert W. Armijo
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